April Fool’s Day was full of good food and, true to its nature, all sorts of surprises. We will start with the good food and the surprises you can find at the end if you care to learn a little bit more about how our Spanish apartment life is going. ¡Vamanos!

Juana La Loca, plaza de Puerta de Moros, 4, 28005

Juana La Loca has been recommended to me multiple times on multiple occasions (you know who you are!). And it truly did not disappoint. It gets very busy so much so that the reservations for lunch are mostly unavailable and the next dinner reservation was open 7-10 days later (guess who is going again!).

Since we are considered very early birds by the Spanish standards I actually do not mind just swinging by a place to see if they can seat us as they open up. This way, usually, there will be a few empty tables with the reservation times of 13:30/14:30 that we can use. Juana La Loca was no exception. We were seated at a very nice table that I was told (at 13:15) we will need to vacate by 15:30, being who we are, I told the hostess we will manage (we were done by 14:15).

The star of the show was, of course, what is legitimately recognised as the best tortilla de papas (€4.50) in Madrid. Also known as tortilla española (Spanish omelet), this dish is as ubiquitous as patatas bravas or croquetas, and every establishment have their own version of these. At Juana La Loca, however, this is taken to a whole new level. To say it is elevated is not sufficient. The tortilla is creamy, gooey, smoky and sweet. With the addition of in-baked confit onions, one bite of this dish transports you to the moon and back. And I am dead serious, this tortilla is THAT good.

Initially we were not planning on ordering huevo confitado (€7.90) or confit egg but the thing we actually ordered was not available until an hour later, so we thought might as well try. And boy am I glad we did. This egg was phenomenal! They call it ‘the incredible truffled confit egg’ on their English menu and they do have it right. It was incredible. The egg was soft and creamy on the inside and the truffle gave it a nice oomph without being too overpowering. It was nestled in a doughnut-like crispy pastry and it gave me life. I would order this again in a heartbeat. Make it an order of two because this time I am not sharing!

We have also ordered sardina ahumada (€12.50) or smoked sardine which we decided was not a sardine at all but a smoked herring. We, as Lithuanians, have eaten too much smoked herring to not recognise one while eating it. Jokes aside, this was an excellent tapas as well. The herring came on top of a crispy bread smeared with burrata and tomato chutney, and it was a creamy, crunchy, salty, smoky, sweet delight.

We have also had some good croquetas de jamón (€12.50). If I could have them anywhere, I would only have them here. It is very easy to fall into a tourist trap of ordering croquettes (like patatas bravas) that have been made from a frozen ready-made thing and that is no bueno. These, on the other hand, were steamy and creamy and all you want in a croquette.

Juana La Loca gets a complete Ieva’s seal of approval and a 5/5 will come back to eat more. More. MORE.

Bar Cruz, calle de las Maldonadas, 1, 28005

Bar Cruz is another one of our ‘locals’. Situated just a few doors up from Casa Amadeo los Caracoles it is a busy spot for both locals and tourists as is indicated by the fact they have lots of English across multiple spaces where the menus are displayed.

Let’s talk a little bit about the free tapas and the popular drink orders. It seems that it really does not matter what drink you order, the free tapa should arrive with it. The most popular drink choice seems to be a caña (a very small glass of beer). Matas and I, we usually order a vermut de grifo (vermouth on tap) if it is available or, simply, a vermut if it comes from a bottle. I also love a nice tinto de verano which is a mix of red wine and a gaseosa (a cross between lemonade like Sprite and sparkling water).

Going back to the beer, if caña is too small for you, you can order a doble (double of caña) or a pint. The most popular beer served on tap seems to be a Mahou. At Bar Cruz they also had a non-alcoholic Mahou on tap that I had to try and I found the taste much more agreeable that the regular Mahou lager. This Mahou sin alcohol had a very nice hint of honey, so I am filing this information for the future use. Sangria is another drink you can order but it does not seem to be *that* popular. Personally, I prefer tinto de verano much more as it is very refreshing and does not have that tannic wine edge that you get in a sangria.

Back to the food now! Bar Cruz calls itself La Casa de las Navajas or The House of the Razor Clam so we had to put it to the test. We ordered a full portion of navajas a la plancha (€10) or grilled razor clams and they were fine if a little bit dry and *maybe* a little bit chewy. I am not sure if this is really the best iteration of what a grilled razor clam can be. More investigation is needed.

We also had a full portion of chipirones (€15) or grilled squid and I really liked it. The squid was grilled to perfection: not too dry, not too chewy, seasoned well. A full portion of boquerones fritos (€8) or fried anchovies went down very well with the Mahou beers that we had. Overall, I would not go out of my way to eat here but, again, if you find yourself browsing El Rastro and feeling peckish for seafood, you will be fine stopping at Bar Cruz.

Optional section for some sh*ts and giggles

This is another one of those long posts but bear with me if you want to have a laugh at what April Fool’s Day had in store for us. This will be a long and winding story, so buckle up! *insert maniacal crying and laughing and crying and laughing on a loop*

At this point we had moved into our apartment the day before, so we already had spent the night there. During the handover we pointed out that the place did not look properly cleaned (dust bunnies and construction debris everywhere), so we asked for a proper cleaning since we are supposed to pay a €130 cleaning fee after we move out. I was not having any of it; if there is an exorbitant cleaning fee, I expect to move into a spotless apartment. The agency tried to weasel out of it saying that the apartment had been properly cleaned before, only a few renovation works had been done after. Never mind that, we stood our ground and the cleaning was organised for 10:00 the next morning (the morning of this particular day I am writing about).

Now, my Spanish language skills are not exactly the best at the moment but I did remember seeing a little notice somewhere about a planned water shutdown for 1 April between 10:00 and 12:00 that completely slipped my mind when we were making these cleaning plans. So, now, we are stuck at home for the entire morning (totally oblivious there is no water) waiting for this cleaning person to come in. 10:00, nothing. 10:15, nothing. 10:30, also nothing. I try explaining to Matas that people in Spain do not necessarily follow the same punctuality policies as we do but even I am not sure if half an hour is an acceptable amount of time to be late.

This is where I get up to make myself a cup of tea and realise that there is no water. Matas quickly drops a message to the agency. OK. The person will now come at noon. We spend this suddenly free time by visiting a local market, coming back home at around 11:50. The cleaning lady is already inside. Great. She has a key. This simplifies things so much for us: we will let her clean and go out for lunch ourselves. Her first words though: no tiene agua – there is no water. 12:00, there is no water. 12:15, there is no water. 12:30, there is no water. 12:45, there is still no water. At 13:00 I am already restless. This person can only clean so much WITHOUT ANY WATER, so I tell her to wait for another 10 minutes; we are leaving for lunch and if there is no water then, she should go too. We will figure out how to do €130 worth of cleaning ourselves.

I feel like all of this sounds very bitter. NOT AT ALL! Yes, I was impatient for the water to show up but I did also recognise the absurdity of the whole situation. If I come across as angry it is because WordPress does not support emojis and I truly come alive with a pointedly inserted laughing emoji here and there. So insert a few of those in the paragraph above and see how that reads.

Anyway, we go have our amazing Juana La Loca lunch, stop over at the supermarket on our way home (Bolsa? No necesito! – Bag? No need! – We literally live in the same building as the store!). We come up to the apartment carrying a good handful of various household items, I whip out the key, alas, the key does not unlock the door?! To clarify, one of the keys works better than the other, so we try that one. Nada. We go back and forth with the keys. I make sure we are on the right floor. At the right door. With the right keys. We spend 20 minutes trying to work the door, in the meanwhile trying to reach anyone at the agency (lunch time!) until our agent, who does not speak a lick of English, gets back to us with ‘oh, just try for a little bit longer, it will work’. Well, Matas tries another few times until one of the keys gets completely stuck in the lock! At that point we leave the key, we leave the shopping, we leave the building…

With the key truly fully stuck, the agency is sending us a handyman. The handyman will be here in an hour. OK. No problema. We go downstairs, find a table in the sun and enjoy a few drinks. Depending on the handyman’s punctuality we might actually squeeze in a few (he was pretty punctual though). While we are whiling the time away, Matas receives a call: our agent came over, on top of that she managed to unlock the door. HOW? What sort of magic did she use? Matas goes to investigate (I am left in charge of finishing both our drinks – do you hear me complaining?).

Anyway, the lady leaves saying that there is no problem, we clearly do not need the lock changed, relax, everything is fine. We are not convinced. The handyman comes after a while, he plays with both keys, plays with the lock. The magic of unlocking the door happens 50% of the time. Clearly a hit or miss situation. At this point my interest is to get him to agree that there is a problem.

-Tenemos un problema? – Sí, tiene un problema — We have a problem? – Yes, you have a problem. What do we do with this problem, I ask. The answer is mañana*.

*as of many days later, mañana has not come yet

I do not want to sound like a Debbie Downer, so I will leave you with this very inspirational quote on one of the decorative pillows inside the apartment: “When all else is lost the futuer still emains”. Wise words, dear decorative pillow, such wise words. Everyone needs to hear this wisdom right away!

Thanks for sticking up with me until the very end. From now on I do solemnly swear to only post about the funny food disasters and skip the mundane adventures of an unlucky door!