Did you think I will leave you hanging with no fine dining? We began the year by visiting one of the five of Zürich’s 2* restaurants, The Restaurant. We could talk about how self aware you have to be, to name your restaurant The Restaurant but why would we, really?

The Restaurant, Kurhausstr. 65, 8032 Zürich

The Dolder Grand, the hotel The Restaurant is located in has been plucked right out of a Disney animation. Not only that, we got to take a little red funicular (excuse me, “long rack railway”) to the top of the local hill to reach our dining destination. This was end of January, it was cold, it snowed in the daytime, the fairy lights were still out and about at that point… tell me this does not feel like a trip to fairly outdated amusement park?

The overall setup was pretty standard for a hotel restaurant. The interior was your average upper class hangout without much character. And yet it was not oppresively old school, so I definitely appreciated that.

Anyway, the table had this light installation that for a second gave me hope the pictures will turn out nicer than usual but I was sorely mistaken. It served absolutely no purpose apart from being a light from under the table cloth. Beats me too *shugg*

When the chef’s compliments came out, I was rather intrigued. A lot of them sounded interesting and exciting with a potential for curious flavour combinations and, you know what, they delivered. I cannot really remember much of what we had as it was all the way back in January, so it is more of a feeling at the moment but we had a few truly surprising and unexpected bites that put us in a good mood. It was a very good start.

One sure way to my heart is a good bread course and I absolutely loved this one. The sourdough was airy inside but the crust was really nicely crusty. We especially enjoyed the two butters, one with truffles, another one with seaweed. The seaweed butter was a little bit too briny at the beginning but once we got used to the flavour, we could not give it up.

We received two more complimentary dishes after the bread course. I really wish I could recall what they were because both of these were really lovely. The basket was delightful but after the savoury introduction it quite surprised us by being sweet (a theme will develop, I am sure you realise that). The second dish had oysters in it. The oyster was super sweet and meaty, no brininess or bitter aftertaste. Really liked them both.

The wine situation is where it all turned out for the worse. Our waitress told us that there is a wine pairing available (as there usually is)and that she will ask the sommelier to introduce it to us. The sommelier, on the other hand, did not actually have a wine pairing available as they introduced a new menu and they were still working out the drinks. Since the “new menu” did not have a precise pairing, we opted for whatever the sommelier could offer us by the glass. The wine ended up being fine, by the way, nothing spectacular but it was easily drinkable and delicious.

Our first course was crab and goose liver pate with mango, seaweed and Vadouvan. It was a nice course and I really liked the texture but the sweet and salty flavour combination was a bit too much… (a theme is developing, remember?). On top of that, what made it harder to accept was the use of Vadouvan – a ready-to-use French herb mix that tasted suspiciously and I mean SUSPICIOUSLY close to Knorr Aromat. You know the rest.

Our second course ended up being bar de ligne and scallops with green seed vinaigrette, edamame and mustard. The texture of both, European bass and scallop was fantastic but in comparison to the other dishes received that night, it was rather subdued in its taste. It was neither too sweet, nor too salty but it also got lost among the dishes with much stronger flavour profiles and that includes chef’s compliments as well.

A new round of different baked goods came our way and we took one of each to try them out. All of them were definitely made with a fuckton of butter but I did not find any single one of them to be something spectacular.

At this point I took a break and did wander through the hotel lobby in search of a restroom. Before finding one, I did encounter some very questionable décor choices but who am I to judge ART? Is this Art? I do not know but a theme with public space decorations is also developing, so be on the lookout for that too.

Our third course was lamb’s lettuce with caviar Colection Gros Grains. I have zero appreciation for fancy caviar, so that was totally lost on me. The lamb’s lettuce was also rather stringy/chewy and the dish tasted of nothing much overall. Not an impressive dish at all.

Our fourth course was Norwegian lobster with “sour-spicy” pumpkin essence. The lobster was cooked to true perfection. It was soft enough AND firm enough at the right degrees and the buttery taste was exceptional. The sour-spicy broth brought me back to Asia for a quick second which is always a plus in my book but again, it was a tad too salty. What’s up with Switzerland and oversalting/oversweetening everything, I wonder?

Cannot say much about this wine. Most likely it was good enough. I remember liking most of the wines that night but I am truly not capable of elaborating on any of their characteristics.

The meat part of the menu disappointed us the most. Our fifth course, the sweetbread with red cabbage and licorice, was incredibly mushy and way too sweet. I am usually a big fan of sweetbreads – calf or lamb thymus or pancreas glands. We tried so many of them in Spain and when prepared right, they are juicy, firm and bouncy but this one proved to be neither of those things. The sauce was also way too sweet for a meat dish, there was no balance of flavours whatsoever.

Wagyu with celery, buckwheat and Périgord truffles was another disappointing. Wagyu was of course delicious in itself (come on, it’s juicy meat) but the sauce was SALT personified and that weird roll of whatever did not compliment the dish AT ALL. We had received a potato foam/puree on the side, it was light, fluffy and delightful but why did the dish come in this weird meat+sauce+roll on the plate, potato on the side configuration is inexplicable.

By the way, when I say the sauce as salt personified, I am not joking. It was SO HECKING SALTY, no wine and no sparkling water could un-numb the tongue.

“Something. Will Google.” <– This was my comment when I was preparing the draft a few month ago. I leave it here just to remind ou that I am a total fraud.

As everyone fully knows, we are no dessert people, so we chose to opt out of the two dessert courses completely and opt in for the cheese course, and I was very glad we did because the following parade of sweet goods did not disappoint (actually, it disappointed majorly but that is besides the point).

OK, so the cheese course was mediocre at best. We asked for Swiss cheese but it was French cheese mostly. I have had enough French cheese in my life at this point and I did not care much for this particulat selection. Also, not enough bread and way too many jams for the amount of cheese we had.

What can I tell you about this Hungarian dessert wine? It’s sweet and it is rarely for me. By the way, I found the use for the white lit up table thingy – good for showcasing the wine!

We finally reached the end of the dinner which can only mean one thing – HECKING PETIT FOURS. The only petit four that was somewhat balanced and somewhat not too sweet was the cake Matas received because it was his birthday. The rest? You could feel cavities developing while you ate. Just. So. Goddamn. Sweet. WHY?

As if that was not enough, in came the tray laden with a bunch of chocolates of varying makes. I actively dislike chocolate but who am I to say no to to something I have already paid for??? We got one of each and I can tell you none of them were worth it (this is were we all might disagree as my chocolate loving friends often remind me, but bite me).

So, was the dinner at The Restaurant worth 1000 CHF? Absolutely not. But, as I often say, beggars can’t be choosers. So there we were. Needless to say, this Disney-esque dining experience gets no seal of approval. Way too sweet and way too salty. What a way to go!